Mogs and I are beginning to wean. I know that I am ready for it and she seems to be going along with it well enough. We still nurse 2x a day and have been for the past week. The decrease was kind of sudden, beginning last weekend. I noticed on Sunday that she had only nursed 2x the whole day. She didn’t request it and I didn’t offer. All week she has followed the same pattern and I can tell that my production is slowing.
Although it is something I want to have happen, I having been struggling with the change. Since I had postpartum depression I fear weaning will trigger another emotional roller-coaster. I’ve read that weaning suddenly can be problematic for people with a history of depression. Most poignantly, I fear that Mogs and I will lose our special bond. I know it’s ridiculous since she is only 21 months, but once we wean she will no longer require my body to nourish her. I’ve been trying to spend more time cuddling her and giving a million kisses a day–I think we both need it. I am happy that we were able to nurse successfully for as long as we did and I look forward to sleeping through the night sometime soon. I am sure all moms who breastfed can relate to the swirl of emotions that weaning brings–elation over the freedom to go anywhere without having to coordinate nursing and sadness that the hours spent sitting around nursing your baby are gone. It feels like weaning is the first real step in viewing Mogs as a separate being from me. Someone that I will watch in awe and joy as she makes her way through life. I’ve been searching for a way to express my feeling about weaning Mogs in some sort of art project. I am trying not to force some sort of conclusion, but to be patient and see what unfolds.
Before I get any more teary, I wanted to share this resource about weaning and postpartum depression.
Das Kind an der Brust (Mutterschaft) by Renoir 1886
I felt so much anxiety about weaning both of my children–some about how they would experience the change in our relationship, but probably much more at the idea that part of my identity was being taken away from me….even though I was initiating the weaning! I was surprised, though, at how smoothly it went (both times). More than that, I was surprised that the physical contact I was used to with the kids didn’t diminish at all–if anything, we had more (and more ways of) touching than we had before. I experienced this as generally a positive thing, though there were post-weaning days when I felt every bit as “touched out” as I had when I was nursing a lot. The one thing I *really* missed was the way they would pat my breast while they were nursing–just a little way of showing contentment and connection without letting themselves be interrupted….